You’re In The Army Now

Well, not really, but it makes a nice title.

Okay, this is going to sound like a shock to all of you, but I was actually considering joining the army these past few weeks. And I do mean seriously considering. In fact, I almost joined. However, I’ve decided not to join because, well, it just isn’t for me. The entire experience was a rather humorous one from day one. Firstly, my recruiter did not inform me that I was going to be taking the MEPS. I was under the impression that I would take the ASVAB and then go home. Therefore, I had to stay overnight at a hotel without a change to clothes. Anyway, I took the ASVAB and managed to score a 99 on it, which is the highest possible score one can make on it. So, of course, I’m getting ribbed about that the entire time I’m there. After the ASVAB, I’m taken to the Holiday Inn we were all staying at, and that’s where I meet my roommate. She turned out to be incredibly nice, but the very first thing she did was come into the room, laid down on the bed, and start messing with her nipple piercings. Now, keep in mind, she’s taking off her shirt, pulling back her bra, and messing with her nipples within seconds of meeting me. SECONDS!!! Now, obviously, I didn’t mind this too much. I rather enjoyed it for awhile, but then I decided to go take a shower (at this point, I needed one). I got out of the shower…and she still wasn’t done!!! It looked so painful too (this should be a lesson to anyone considering getting this done, it’s painful and most people don’t find it that attractive). She finally managed to get them in and I finally managed to stop staring at her breasts so we talked. Like I said, she’s a very nice girl. She prepared me for the MEPS (she’d taken hers today) as much as she could and then we went to bed. We woke up the next morning at 4am. 4am is the time I usually go to bed, not when I’m waking up *groans*. Anyway, I get to MEPS. Let’s just say, the U.S. government knows me very well now. I got inspected from top to bottom, inside and out. It was not a pleasurable experience. Although, I, at least, now know there’s nothing wrong with me physically, except that I pissed off the poor vision guy. I should mention that without my glasses or contacts, I am legally blind. So he asked me to take my glasses off and read the first line that I could. Well, I couldn’t read any of them. He asked me again. I told him I still couldn’t read any of them. Finally, he held up two fingers and asked, “How many fingers am I holding up?” I answered correctly and he moved on. I guess that test was just to make sure I wasn’t completely blind. Anyway, by the time I was done, I just wanted out of there. The very sight of the MEPS was causing me discomfort. I just wanted to go home. Finally, the recruiter (a different one from my own) showed up to take me home. However, it turns out that I was the only female in my group, so I pretty much got teased by all the guys on the way home. They were very friendly though. I’ve never been that blatantly hit on before. Another thing, I don’t think anyone called me by my actual name the entire time. I got called schoolgirl, bouncy, etc. I seriously don’t think anyone called me Laurie once. To be honest, if I hadn’t of just introduced myself, I would’ve sworn that they didn’t even know what my real name was. But, anyway, anyone who knows me will be happy to know that, for right now, I will not be joining the army. Besides, those tests are good for another two years so, there’s no hurry.