Wear your grudges proudly my minions!

Lots of people have dating standards. Hell, nearly everyone I can think of does. Some people refuse to date people who have had more sexual partners than they have, others have certain physical attributes they search for. Well, I don’t. At least not real ones. I have, however, had a set of informal and funny dating standards which I have kept as true for quite some time. Occassionally something else would occur to me, and I would add it in. So, unlike my at least mostly serious, and overly popular, feature on Graeme’s Perfect Woman , this isn’t going to be something you should take to heart. Please remember that before sending off emails about how shallow I am. Only one, I repeat, one of these rules has ever been meant even halfway seriously. No, you don’t get to know which one it is.

1. Thou shalt like the Beatles. For the purpose of this rule, it shall not be considered a violation to dislike a specific Beatles album, or time period. It shall be considered a violation to like less than or equal to five Beatles song. The song “All you Need is Love” does not count towards fufilling this requirement.
2. Thou shalt read, or willing to read within a reasonable time frame, The Lord of the Rings. Upon such reading, it is to be accepted that you will maintain a favourable opinion of such works. For the purpose of this rule, it is not required that you read the Hobbit. If, upon completion of The Lord of the Rings, you do not maintain a favourable opinion, you will have a length of time not to exceed a year to read The Silmarillion. If, upon reading The Silmarillion, you do maintain a favourable opinion of Tolkien as an author , the relationship must immediately be brought under review.
3. Thou shalt not ever utter the words “Jayde couldn’t possibly have been that bad.” For the purposes of this rule, “Jayde” is to be interpreted as pertaining to Jayde Avakian. Any sentence which carries a context which can be assumed to be identical in meaning to the above is to be considered a violation of this rule.
4. Thou art not required to enjoy The Simpsons. However, thou shalt never comment on Graeme’s preference for them, his memorization of their scripts, or his time spent watching them unless you can prove that it was feasible to spend said time in a better way, where “better” is defined as “spending time with significant other/saving self from life threatening disease.” The spending time with significant other clause may not be used if the significant other was there during a viewing of The Simpsons that did not exceed 1.5 episodes. If the viewing exeeded this time, or roughly 34 minutes of non-commercial Simpsons watching, complaining rights are restored.
5. This code left open for random, sudden, and completely unannounced expansion.