Tonight, on a very special Blossom…
Despite the fact that I just spent a paragraph hyping up the serious nature of what I want to accomplish here, I don’t want you to think that these will never be funny. For instance, there’s nothing stopping me from clubbing a walrus with a seal , other than the fact that it would make no sense in context at all. What it does mean is that Kitty’s “English” will have to be cleaned up for use here, and there will have to be a point behind what we say.
Today’s point? Look above. My parents stumbled across this site due to my email signature a few weeks ago. My father’s one comment was that he didn’t feel all the profanity was necessary. Specifically, that it was the crutch of the untalented. I usually agree in serious writing, which is why the only time you’ll see something you say in front of your mother appear in my fiction is when it would fit the character. Never just because I can. Why, then, is it so often used on the site? There are several reasons.
The first one we need to get out of the way and admit to immediately is that this website is not the best showcase for the writing talents of any of our members. Due to the immediate nature of the web, and the fact that I decided that this place should be updated daily for some reason, most of the features here are written nigh instantly with no preparation and little time for polishing or proofreading. I’ve had to whip up a Picasso comic in 10 minutes just so I would feel like I got something online. Luckily, it was a pretty damn good comic.
Catch that? I just used profanity again! Okay, so we’ve established that while most of us are hardly untalented, we’re not pretending we’re creating great art here either. So what are the other reasons?
Audience! In any style of writing, you simply must know who you’re writing to. The sheer number of features here that reference obscure films or video games proves that we’re not aiming to please middle aged housewives. I think it’s rather obvious that who we’ve targeted is essentially our own age bracket. I think the oldest person to ever check this site more than one time would probably fall around twenty five. While we’ve had quite a few people younger access it, I always shuddered when I think of anyone under fifteen coming by here. I don’t think I’ll surprise anyone when I tell them that that particular ten year age bracket probably needs to have its mouth washed out with soap. They like using profanity, they expect to see profanity, and they find it funny. While I don’t really care what they expect to see, we’re here to entertain, so the third thing is important.
My next reason is the most important. Profanity is an intensive. One of the most common, and perhaps best, ways of getting a laugh out of people is to just go completely over the top. Adding intensives to your language is a must for this. “Holy Hannah!” is one of my favourite oaths, just because no one ever expects someone like me to say it. In that case “Holy” is the intensive. Simply combining two powerful intensive exclamations has produced some of humanity’s best curses. Jesus christ! Holy shit! And so it goes. I continue to feel my personal best was set three years ago when I replied to a shocking IM with “jumping jews for Jesus!”
Basically, if you’re offended by the language used here, no one is forcing you to read it. I’ll be happy to field any more complaints or issues you may have. Perhaps you just didn’t like one way we used it, or something along those lines. But, as long as we are here to entertain on a mostly daily basis, I will continute to defend Hobart’s right to say “Fuck this, I’m going to be in my trailer.” Or Kenny’s to say “girls are suck.”
Actually, my father also commented that Laurie needs help. I agree. If she was mentally stable, why did she just join the U.S. Army?
