Where is your heart? Oh, shit…well, next time, don’t leave it in the driveway!

1) Pet a fish. Preferably a leopard shark or clown fish.
2) Make a sandwich.
3) Build a house for a poor family out of subpar materials you found in a junkyard. Make them pay rent. Bring them a turkey on Thanksgiving.
4) Learn another language. Continue to be a racist, bigot, American.
5) Swim in a trough of money.
6) Kill Bill Gates.
7) Step on a High School Freshman.
8) Lick around the walls of her anus.
9) Your wife, that is.
10) I’m just kidding.
11) Hey, look! Overthere!
12) No! There!
13) Damnit, quit counting!
14) This list is over!
15) I hate you!
16) You’re not even my real dad!
17) …please…
18) I’m so sorry…
19) Where are you Josh!?!?!
20) WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
21) Build a kick ass stereo system.
22) Sacrifice to some God or another.
23) Be on time. Just once.
24) Smile at a police officer, then run away.
25) Drop the soap.
26) Stone a muslim with Star Trek props.
27) Fleece a Jew.
28) Listen to every Rolling Stones album, in a row, without a break. Put down the gun.
29) Mow someone else’s lawn in the middle of the night. Refuse to admit you did it.
30) Kick Toucher in the face.
31) Strap the band Staind to chairs and toss acid on them until they admit they haven’t written a single good song since Dysfunction. Watch them cry. Kill them anyway.
32) Visit Cambridge. Ask Brits if this is where Harvard is.
33) Ride in a car with a boy.
34) Eat a bowl of change.
35) Deliver a baby.
36) Forget that numbers 8-20 ever happened.
37) Send lots and lots of joke IM’s to Mors Scorpion. God loves you for it!
38) Eat someone’s cancer. Say it needs salt. Laugh at your own lame joke.
29) Misnumber something intentionally.
40) Make a list of things you wanted to do before you died, but failed to accomplish because you suck. Promptly have a heart attack.