It’s all good, just turn me on.

“I’d buy a new car, if he was in the seat, and then I’d crash the car on like a deserted icy road, and junk, so I’d be stuck with him. And then I’d rape him!” - Jessica Yieal, 8th Grader

“Me? Hmm…I’d buy him a new computer, and then put a naked picture of me on the desktop. And if that didn’t work, I’d rape him!” - Beatrice Simmons, Accountant

“I’d follow him around campus with Dr. Pepper and lots of refreshing cookie snacks, and I’d sit next to him in class, and I’d carry his books for him. He’d be sure to notice that I’m better than all the other girls, then. Or maybe I’d just rape him.” - Rebecca Reynolds, College Student/Burger Flipper

“I’d pay attention to him. Listen to what he has to say. And then, I’d kill all the other girls so that he could love only me. Even while I was in prison, he’d wait for me. I know he would. Kenny and I, we were meant to be together. It’s written in the stars, on these tarot cards, and even my Magic 8 Ball says so! Might be easier to just rape him, though.” - Margaret Robin, Hobo

“I’d write a whole album of songs using lots of K words, and then talk about him being hot, possibly hotter than Edward Norton, on some website endlessly. While raping him.” - Some Gay Guy

“Oh damn, have people already used naked and Dr. Pepper? What if I was in his apartment, in the bathtub, naked, in Dr. Pepper. The bubbles might hurt, though. I should probably just rape him.” - Candice Maul, Politician

“I’d get busy!”, Deanna Tombs, Inmate (rape charge)

“I’d invent a new kind of taffy, and then I’d feed him the taffy, and it would be good and he’d like it, and we’d watch Star Trek Enterprise, but since I put sedatives in the taffy, he would go to sleep, and I could rape him.” - Alison Flannigan, Nice Old Lady