It sure beats a bicycle!
My car is in the shop until Thursday. My lovely, lovely Celes Zwei is getting the scratches that my girlfriend’s crazy mother caused fixed. As such, I’m stuck driving my mother’s Bravada. This used to be nothing more than a slight inconvenience, but after having a new car for almost a month, a few things become apparent when you jump right back into a car that is essentially the same under the sheet metal as a 1982 Chevy S-10. Here are a few.
The Suspension
I’m used to a nice, sporty suspension. The wheels stay planted to the road, and the body doesn’t roll like the S.S. Minnow through every turn. Driving a truck is a decidedly different experience. On turns, the body sways like a school bus taken to Daytona. I suppose a major turn would involve me doing a barrel roll worthy of any fighter pilot; experiments have not yet been performed. On bumps, a variety of things happen! Maybe this one will bounce me like I’m riding on four pogo sticks! Maybe it will bottom out the suspension, inexplicably this happens on all the smaller obstacles, and cause my jaw to become real close friends with my upper palate! Boy, I sure do love trucks.
Grade: C-
The Brakes
It stops when I push the left pedal. Sometimes. Others, it merely stops accelerating and wonders what the hell I’m up to. Fortunately, the sight of the Civic in front of it usually scares the brakes into doing their jobs. It must be an elephant and mouse thing. It’s equally afraid of larger SUVs. So my only real danger is if I get stuck behind an Explorer, Blazer, or Envoy’then I’m fucked, because it’ll start getting territorial.
Grade: C
The Steering
Well, it’s better than my dad’s old ’92 Explorer. Ye-haw.
Grade: D-
The Engine
Upon pressing the right pedal, a loud(er) noise emanates from the engine compartment ahead of me. This doesn’t seem to be in relation to anything. Much the same effect can be seen in my father’s Silverado. I suppose this is better than in, say, Travis’s Corolla or Scott’s Contour, which has the same basic effect, except without the noise, which is at least something to listen to.
Eventually, as in those other cars, acceleration occurs. No scientific evidence has ever been put forth associating this with the engine, however.
Grade: C
I’d go on about the sound system, the lights, the windshield wipers’but I’m too sad. I miss my baby.
