Lemony Snickett baked cookies!
Sometimes, even the most apparently normal day at work can turn into quite an adventure. Obviously, its these days I live for while working at the library. Sunday started off benignly enough, and once I got all the computers started and made sure everything was where I had left it, I began to set about working on the chore Teresa had recommended to me the day before. It seems she had an abundance of laminated paper ghosts who needed finger holes cut out. They looked like little feet. Sitting down at the desk with an exacto-knife, I promptly began cutting out the circles of paper while waiting for us to open. It was only as I neared completion of this endeavor that the weirdness began.
A large, wispy, and rather angry ghostly apparition appeared in front of the childrens desk, claiming to be from the United Ghost Workers Union, demanding that the library either pay reparations to those ghosts maimed on the job by yours truly, or face the consequences. Since I had been ordered to mangle the ghosts by my superior, I declined the offer. This did not make my ghostly visitor happy. He began screaming and flailing his non-existent arms at me. Thinking quickly, I wandered back to the Occult section (J 133), ignoring the apparitions pointless rage, and banished him with an old gypsy curse I found in the back of one of the books. Luckily, we werent yet open, so no children saw this mess. Cleaning up and finishing off the last of the ghosts, I moved back to the shelves to start straightening a bit, since the few children that had come in at the end of Saturday had left things a bit messy.
Believe it or not, I would once again run into problems here. It happened right as I had finished neatening up the fiction. I heard screams and smelled smoke. At first, I feared the worst, as would anyone in the situation, but when I ran out from the stacks I saw instead that the two straw people in our new little puppet-house-thing were on fire, and had chosen this moment to reveal to me that they were alive. I was too late to save them. Apparently, according to the last words of the dying male one, they had been at war with the stuffed animals that fill the childrens department ever since their arrival; horribly outnumbered, they relied only on the fact that they had a naturally defensible position to keep them safe. Although I was unable to save their lives, I mulled over whether I should call the police or not. I decided against it, it was way too unbelievable of a story, and instead plucked the burned straw from them, cleaned them up a bit in the bathroom, and propped them back up where they were. Considering they had been more than a little bit taciturn before, I dont think people will notice the difference now, unless they start to smell. Which I doubt. I mean, theyre made of straw.
Once again, there were few patrons at the time of the incident, so I was able to cover it up. But as I saw the children stream in, I knew we might have a larger problem brewing if the stuffed animals continued to go against our wishes. Employing my friend and traditional ally among their ranks, the Butt-Ugly Chicken, I took it upon myself to strike a new deal. The stuffed animals will refrain from harming anyone or thing, assuming we give them one day off a month, bring them McDonalds every other Tuesday, and promise to tell them how much we appreciate them every once in awhile. I didnt think it was that much to ask, so I gave in. Plus, that big stuffed frog was looking at me funny, so I was not in a position to try to strike much harder of a bargain, even if I did have a bevy of curious children by then willing to back me up.
After that, the day passed as planned. I finished making the shelves look neater, and picking up books our loving patrons forgot to replace themselves. I helped people on the computers. A small band of pirates took over the emergency exit room/corridor, but I talked them out of it.
Anyway, I just thought you might want to know how Sunday went. In short, it was just fine!
