The CDC has just released a special advisory regarding the incidence of a new strain of virus – Feline Hornetrabies.
This is apparently fallout from Qualcomm‘s latest experiments. As researchers are discovering, proper protocol regarding QA on their lab specimens was not followed. It turns out that they were just paying local homeless to round up alleycats and other strays, which were much cheaper than the labspec specimens.
Prognosis of symptoms are still under investigation, but a brief summary of possible signs is outlined below:
Roughly 18 hours after the initial infection/incubation period, the virus begins metabolizing proteins in the blood into mastoparans (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_giant_hornet#Sting), a strong irritant which makes you feel like your veins are crawling with stinging hornets.
Then, about 12 hours later, the viral load releases en masse, and begins mutating the gene known as HOXb8 (http://www.scienceagogo.com/news/20020006014545data_trunc_sys.shtml), which has been found to cause excessive grooming in mammals. At this point, the victims will find themselves unable to stop licking and grooming nearby objects, which is how this particular virus spreads.
Terrible Stuff.
If you, or anyone you know begins exhibiting behavior such as licking the walls while screaming, you may already be at risk. Isolate the infected by pointing a red laser pointer at the wall or ceiling, a tactic which has been proven irrestistable to victims suffering from this illness, and call your local infectious disease hotline immediately.
This has been a Public Service Announcement from The Jux Entente. Stay safe, you guys.
