The past two/three weeks have been really bad for me, frito.
For approximately 10 years, I have been suffering from what I can only describe as anxiety attacks. I have seeked NO help whatsoever, until recently. Going to restaurants or traveling are HUGE catalysts (but not the only ones) for bringing on one of these attacks. During an attack I am basically a bundle of nerves frozen tight. The high stress of the situation causes me to get nausea and/or sour stomach. The overall feeling is extremely discomforting. My father’s sudden death 10 years ago probably has something to do with it. The anniversary for his death is coming up.
After going to Mellow Mushroom over two weeks ago, my anxiety level has been PERSISTENTLY high; giving me physical pain along with nausea, sour stomach, headaches, light-headedness, and/or loss of appetite. I finally went to a generalized doctor on Tuesday where he prescribed me Duloxetine and Lorazepam. I do not think I will be taking the Duloxetine as it makes me nauseous, and apparently gives insomnia.
This Wednesday was a very cathartic day, where I came clean about my situation to my parental units. The reason I have kept it in so long is I was embarrassed and felt weak. I was weak, but now I can only get stronger. Even though, all the Jux people did not know about this; they have given me the strength to get some help.
The facts:
- I realize my situation is small potatoes; but it is a HUGE deal for me.
- I do not want pity.
- Asking me constantly if I feel alright gives me anxiety.
- The reason for this post is to explain what I have been going through, and to explain why I have not been as outgoing lately.
- I will probably be indisposed of for awhile.
- I am going to go to some sort of counseling.
- My family is supporting me.
- I do not care anymore if people know.
