Unnamed Blob: Good to be here, Bob. Allow me to
explain, here at the Contest of Champions, we create the world's ultimate
fights! Not everyone will survive these match ups, but its usually good fun
for all. Let's get started!
Match One, The Survival Horror: Claire Redfield vs. Maria, the bitch from Silent Hill 2
VS 
Round One
Bob the Builder: This should be an interesting one. While Claire is good with weapons and acting, Maria is good at dying a lot and being irritating!
Unnamed Blob: Don't forget that she technically doesn't exist! The two seem to be sizing each other up now. Claire's equipping herself with a hand gun, while Maria seems to be content with warming up her bitching voice. Wait! Claire's firing!
Bob the Builder: Maria is hit! She's on the ground in the arena folks!
Unnamed Blob: I don't think she'll be getting back up, she's screaming and thrashing quite badly.
Round Two
Bob the Builder: Maria doesn't appear to be moving...Claire is decidedly untrusting.
Unnamed Blob: Can you blame her?
Round Three
Unnamed Blob: I don't believe it! Maria is back on her feet, just the same as ever.
Bob the Builder: Claire's taking aim with that shotgun though, if Maria doesn't do something soon...OH MY GOD! That had to hurt, she shot her right in the chest!
Unnamed Blob: She's back down. I don't see how this match could go on any longer.
Round Four
Bob the Builder: Maria seems to be getting up again...
Unnamed Blob: How the hell is that possible?
Bob the Builder: I wouldn't worry too much about it, Claire just shot her in the face with that magnum.
Unnamed Blob: She didn't even bother to fall down that time.
Bob the Builder: Well, I'll be damned.
Round Five
Unnamed Blob: Maria doesn't seem to have liked being shot in the head with a high caliber weapon, she's turning into some sort of flying ugly thing. I wonder how Claire is going to handle this new development.
Bob the Builder: Wait, what was that that Claire just yelled?
Unnamed Blob: I think it was "Get 'em, Steve."
Round Six
Bob the Builder: Holy Hannah! What is that thing with the axe?
Unnamed Blob: It just cut Maria in half!
Bob the Builder: I think that's it. I'm getting a drink before the next match.
The Winner: Claire Redfield!
Bob the Builder: This should be an interesting one. While Claire is good with weapons and acting, Maria is good at dying a lot and being irritating!
Unnamed Blob: Don't forget that she technically doesn't exist! The two seem to be sizing each other up now. Claire's equipping herself with a hand gun, while Maria seems to be content with warming up her bitching voice. Wait! Claire's firing!
Bob the Builder: Maria is hit! She's on the ground in the arena folks!
Unnamed Blob: I don't think she'll be getting back up, she's screaming and thrashing quite badly.
Round Two
Bob the Builder: Maria doesn't appear to be moving...Claire is decidedly untrusting.
Unnamed Blob: Can you blame her?
Round Three
Unnamed Blob: I don't believe it! Maria is back on her feet, just the same as ever.
Bob the Builder: Claire's taking aim with that shotgun though, if Maria doesn't do something soon...OH MY GOD! That had to hurt, she shot her right in the chest!
Unnamed Blob: She's back down. I don't see how this match could go on any longer.
Round Four
Bob the Builder: Maria seems to be getting up again...
Unnamed Blob: How the hell is that possible?
Bob the Builder: I wouldn't worry too much about it, Claire just shot her in the face with that magnum.
Unnamed Blob: She didn't even bother to fall down that time.
Bob the Builder: Well, I'll be damned.
Round Five
Unnamed Blob: Maria doesn't seem to have liked being shot in the head with a high caliber weapon, she's turning into some sort of flying ugly thing. I wonder how Claire is going to handle this new development.
Bob the Builder: Wait, what was that that Claire just yelled?
Unnamed Blob: I think it was "Get 'em, Steve."
Round Six
Bob the Builder: Holy Hannah! What is that thing with the axe?
Unnamed Blob: It just cut Maria in half!
Bob the Builder: I think that's it. I'm getting a drink before the next match.
The Winner: Claire Redfield!
Match Two, The Religion: Yahweh vs. Jehovah
VS 
VS
Round One
Bob the Builder: The crowd seems to be quite anxious about this one. First of all, no one can seem to see Yahweh anywhere, although his agent insists he's in the ring. Jehovah is getting impatient.
Unnamed Blob: Maybe we should just ring the bell to start the match?
Bob the Builder: I suppose we can try that. Just so long as it doesn't spill my gin this time.
Round Two
Unnamed Blob: Yikes, we seem to be getting an unusual amount of flaming sulfur falling into the stadium. Jehovah's robe is on fire!
Bob the Builder: I suppose Yahweh's agent was right.
Unnamed Blob: It seems that the assault is lightening up. Jehovah has summoned a large amount of wine to put out his robes.
Bob the Builder: Shouldn't the alcohol content make it worse?
Round Three
Bob the Builder: Yahweh's keeping the pressure on his opponent! He just flooded the entire arena floor up to the first riser!
Unnamed Blob: It doesn't seem to have phased Jehovah much, he's walking serenely on the surface. That's got to be an oversight in Yahweh's plans for the match.
Round Four
Bob the Builder: Now vermin are dropping from the sky. Look at all the frogs and locusts!
Unnamed Blob: Most of the locusts seem to drowning in the water, and the frogs are swimming around aimlessly.
Bob the Builder: Those fish that Jehovah just released seem to be enjoying the new food supply.
Round Five
Bob the Builder: Well, Yahweh's drained the water now, leaving Jehovah covered in amphibians and overfed trout.
Unnamed Blob: Apparently our moist friend has decided to take out his anger on that fig tree.
Round Six
Bob the Builder: Jehovah is really pissed now, he's removed his sandals and rolled up his robe sleeves in preparation.
Unnamed Blob: Ohhh, it appears he was just struck by lightning. Twice.
Bob the Builder: Jehovah isn't looking quite right at all...
Round Seven
Unnamed Blob: Did Jehovah just fall over dead?
Bob the Builder: Well, he is first born, you know.
Unnamed Blob: Ah yes. Should we do something about the body?
Bob the Builder: I wouldn't worry about it. Just tell me if that boy comes back by with the hot dogs.
The Winner: Yahweh!
Unnamed Blob: We'll be back tomorrow folks with the second day of festivities!
Bob the Builder: The crowd seems to be quite anxious about this one. First of all, no one can seem to see Yahweh anywhere, although his agent insists he's in the ring. Jehovah is getting impatient.
Unnamed Blob: Maybe we should just ring the bell to start the match?
Bob the Builder: I suppose we can try that. Just so long as it doesn't spill my gin this time.
Round Two
Unnamed Blob: Yikes, we seem to be getting an unusual amount of flaming sulfur falling into the stadium. Jehovah's robe is on fire!
Bob the Builder: I suppose Yahweh's agent was right.
Unnamed Blob: It seems that the assault is lightening up. Jehovah has summoned a large amount of wine to put out his robes.
Bob the Builder: Shouldn't the alcohol content make it worse?
Round Three
Bob the Builder: Yahweh's keeping the pressure on his opponent! He just flooded the entire arena floor up to the first riser!
Unnamed Blob: It doesn't seem to have phased Jehovah much, he's walking serenely on the surface. That's got to be an oversight in Yahweh's plans for the match.
Round Four
Bob the Builder: Now vermin are dropping from the sky. Look at all the frogs and locusts!
Unnamed Blob: Most of the locusts seem to drowning in the water, and the frogs are swimming around aimlessly.
Bob the Builder: Those fish that Jehovah just released seem to be enjoying the new food supply.
Round Five
Bob the Builder: Well, Yahweh's drained the water now, leaving Jehovah covered in amphibians and overfed trout.
Unnamed Blob: Apparently our moist friend has decided to take out his anger on that fig tree.
Round Six
Bob the Builder: Jehovah is really pissed now, he's removed his sandals and rolled up his robe sleeves in preparation.
Unnamed Blob: Ohhh, it appears he was just struck by lightning. Twice.
Bob the Builder: Jehovah isn't looking quite right at all...
Round Seven
Unnamed Blob: Did Jehovah just fall over dead?
Bob the Builder: Well, he is first born, you know.
Unnamed Blob: Ah yes. Should we do something about the body?
Bob the Builder: I wouldn't worry about it. Just tell me if that boy comes back by with the hot dogs.
The Winner: Yahweh!
Unnamed Blob: We'll be back tomorrow folks with the second day of festivities!