The Jux Entente

It happened again. My last can of Dr Pepper, slowly emptying itself into the depths of my systems. The precious Carbonated Water, oh so bubbley and tingley. This is what causes the refreshing 'TSSS' noise when a can of the most precious beverage is open. The loving sweetness of the High Fructose Corn Syrup and/or Sugar . They are not certain which they put in so they label both on the can, but I do not care because it is so heavenly. The Caramel Color that gives it the hue of a natural beverage. Phosphoric Acid oh the Phosphoric Acid. This is the greatest part of the Dr Pepper. This is what causes it to burn as you swallow, letting you know that it will kill you someday. It instills a feeling of life in you, allowing you to do anything. Then comes the Artifical and Natural Flavors that make it taste so good. This is the addicting ingredient, because you always come back because of the marvelous taste. Sodium Benzoate( preservative ) to keep it fresh until I am ready to live again. Caffeine sweet Caffeine to keep me up all night writing stuff like this. It sounds like such a simple compound, but I do believe Dr Pepper Company forgot a single ingredient. The souls of cute little bunnies. Certainly bunnies do not go to heaven when they die. They go to the Dr Pepper factory where they are processed, seperating their souls from the meat used for certain fast food hamburger meat. The souls are mixed into the Dr Pepper giving it that something special.

The bad things come when the Dr Pepper runs dry. The souls of the cute little bunnies are no longer being processed by my internal systems. Without the cute little bunny souls, big ugly things come and try to kill me. Sometimes they are in the form of giant 3-armed apes wearing red bandanas and equiped with a katana in one hand, a Quake 2 railgun in another, and a roll of Ducktape in the third. Why ducktape you ask? I reply, because, silly, its all explained in another of my features to be done in the future at some point. Now it is only on the good days that the creature looks like that. On the bad days it looks something similar to a UPS man. Either way the creature always attempts to kill me. I recall one such event that occured at the mall. I was just steping on the down escalato as the two UPS men attacked me from behind. I jabbed one in the nut-sack due to a miscalculation involving the change of altitude of the escalator. As he doubled over, I speared him into the other UPS man, causeing him to flip over both of us and tumble down the escalator. I leapt across to the up escalator safe from danger. As I reached the top, I felt something grasping my jeans leg. I leapt a step backwards and landed on top of the UPS man. Fascinatingly, the escalator drew him in and crumpled him, the result of which was a foundtain of blood pouring down the escalator. I casually walked to the food-court and ordered a Dr Pepper to relieve myself. What is the moral of the story you ask? I reply, STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS DUMB-FUCK! Now, the moral of the story is, drink Dr Pepper and don't ever ever stop.

Kitty Vertigo