Bring it on. See how you like a needle in your spine.
“Fine Again”
It seems like every day’s the same and I’m left to discover on my own It seems like everything is gray and there’s no color to behold They say it’s over and I’m [...]

Every moment, agony.
There’s only one person in the world who knows the origin of all of these quotes. Me. The rest of you can just stare in horror. Ciao.

This was fun.

Inside
When he looked in the mirror, he could see him. Or it. Whichever. When he closed his eyes, and lay in his bed, he could feel it inside his body, digging and clawing away at whatever it could find. Sometimes, he would look at someone on the [...]

Don’t worry folks, he’s lying.
Martian: Hello, Kitten. Kitty: Kitten? Martian: Yeah, I would’ve gotten sued for saying Kitty. Kitty: Well that is not happy. Martian: You know what really isn’t happy? Christmas isn’t happy. Kitty: But I like Christmas. It is fun. Martian: Actually, you don’t like Christmas. Kitty: Meow? I am pretty sure I [...]

Absolutely no peanuts around withered trees within.
Remember my last video feature? Guess what! This one has more content!
Shorter, though. And it doesn’t have any sound. Alas, you can’t have it all. It’s also encoded in DivX. If that causes you problems…tough. :P Enjoy!
Click here to view the video!

Graeme still can’t draw.

This was actually created right after I got my iBook, but I’ve been waiting for an appropriate moment to put it online. Which I suppose is now, since it’s online. My baby’s cute though!

Sprites!

This one is titled “Random idea from Economics [...]

I promise at least one is true!
Graeme : Graeme is actually a forty year old billionaire named Steve who lives in the Congo. He owns several companies, all under different names. Long since declared legally insane by the governments of all major nations, he rules his empire with a series of puppets. It is [...]

It’s interesting, the things you get asked when your job description is to know everything…
Guy: I need a book on identifying spiders. Graeme: Okay, we have plenty of those. Any type or region in particular? Guy: Yeah…*pulls plastic bag out of pocket* I need to know what this one is. [...]

Or maybe I just couldn’t come up with a decent one for this feature…

This feature is a parody of, and a loving tribute to, the wonderful web comic Wigu !

Could it be that I don’t want to save you anymore? (Just kidding, it’s not a brooding feature!)

Why God created USB mice.

Depressing.
This feels like…an overwhelming panic attack. I had a dream last night. It was perhaps the most unique reverse nightmare* that I’ve ever had. For once the world I envisioned wasn’t some sort of strange utopia. But that’s what made it so scary. It was real. I could feel it. It lasted [...]

It wasn’t worth the wait.
Boy: Quick, quick, is Christmas a day? Boy 2: Of course Christmas is a day. Boy: No, no, I mean like, is it a day like “Valentine’s Day” and “Memorial Day”. Boy 2: Hmm…let me think. *mumbles* ‘You, boy, what day is today?’ ‘Why, it’s [...]

Rehash alert!
Okay, so this is a weird idea I had. Jux has been around since April in some form or another, and, in true sitcom tradition, I decided it was time for a clip show! By TV standards, we’ve been on the air for years, so, really, one is overdue. Enjoy!
[...]

Because, the midget Travis was just too cute.

This is most likey the end of the mysterious midget Travis that appeared yesterday ;)

Because, I care.

The fourth in our new series of columns.
Now, I admit that I’m probably one of the more sexually explicit members of the site although I definitely am not the only one that discusses sex in their features. And I also admit that I do fear little kids reading about my discussions of [...]

I’m calling the shots for once. I write my own subtext, even if I have to hack to do it.
So, I’ve been somewhat silent.
Ok, I’ve been quite silent. Those of you who regularly frequent this humble site might notice that I haven’t been releasing as many features as I used to. In fact, it’s [...]

Another group examination.
In the grand tradition of doing things completely at random, I was struck by the desire to do something a little like Kitty’s inkblot feature, only with some actual results. The combination I decided on struck me when my friend Lauren, who occasionally appears on this site as Gnome, [...]

Yes, I’m talking to you. Bum.

This has little to do with the article, but I’d like to flip off Microsoft now.
Well, this is going to be mostly my opinions, but I am certain that most of Jux will agree. Jux is pretty allowing on whatever we want to put up here. However, there are a few things [...]

Sheriff Hobart is fielding questions.

Zen still works here?
He didn’t meet any resistance, as he had previously anticipated. Cold fingers tickled his senses, drawing him nearer. There was no fear. By now it couldn’t be described as simple curiosity, something had infected him, impregnated his mind with all sorts of questions…
He could still turn back. [...]

Everyone crowd over here! We’ve got poetry!
It all began this morning. I woke up and showered, had a bit of breakfast, then sat at my computer. This is basically the way my day usually starts. I recieved an IM from my friend Paul. He was acting strange, as if something had happened. [...]

I’m actually nowhere near that bad…so far as you know.
#133 If you arrive home to find Graeme irate and brandishing a sharp object.
Step 1: Ascertain the object of his aggression Is he mad at you? Test this by taking one step forward. If he becomes noticeably more [...]

Tonight, on a very special Blossom…
Seeing as how I got tired of doing Surly Guy and Jesus’s column a few months ago, it’s about time something came along to replace it, right? As it says in our (currently horribly out of date) FAQ, this may be a humour site, but at least [...]

Enjoy.
Disclaimer time! Okay, first of all, the subtext tells you when this version of the story was finished. Trick, like all of my work, is subject to continual polishing until it’s published in print form. These changes to content and fixes to grammatical problems and etc. may or may not be reflected [...]

…that’s costume related.

Don’t worry, it’s just another Costumes feature.

Lazy bums.

Is it the first part in a Halloween Picasso series? Only if no one else does anything :D

Wear your grudges proudly my minions!
Lots of people have dating standards. Hell, nearly everyone I can think of does. Some people refuse to date people who have had more sexual partners than they have, others have certain physical attributes they search for. Well, I don’t. At least not real ones. I have, [...]

Meowing cruelty.
It was just a normal day in the life of a lizard. I would crawl around and eat bugs. Sometimes I would eat leaves if there were any around. I left my she-lizard in our home to go out and look for a snack. She was so cute. Anyways, I lizarded [...]

Do you have what it takes?
Ah, the Jux Scouts. Who could have known that when the Boy Scouts were finally shut down, we would be asked to take their place? In a rush to deal with the new demand, I had to whip up a quicky entrance exam. It was going to be about 20 [...]

Most of these are responses to stuff I saw on my commute today.

Jesus may love you, but his mom thinks I’m the best!
I honk for prison sex.
Dear lord man, put on some damn pants!
Dukakis ‘04
I’d rather be driving my…oh wait, this is the Corvette!
I enjoy running over [...]

Surrounds and drowns…Uh, I mean, FeAtuRE!
Okay, you were not supposed to go this many days without a feature. But the combination of school, working the weekend, replacing my television and entertainment center with new and shinier versions (a move which trashed my bedroom enough to force me to sleep on a couch at one point), [...]

Graeme rates various fast food restaurants.
For the purpose of this feature, I’m defining a fast food restaurant as any place that can serve food nearly instantly in assembly line fashion through a “drive-thru” window. Then I rate them. That’s it for introduction. Read the feature now :) McDonald’s : I used [...]

I swear the title has nothing to do with the feature, which is about peasants.
Welcome to the modern world. No no, don’t run away screaming! We’re here to help! You see, as the wealth gap grows between the poor and the rich across the planet, we’ve stepped in to do [...]

The contest is open, come on in.
Welcome to the first Jux Entente contest ever! Here’s the deal. In our recently updated and overhauled store , we have two stickers. One of these is a highly requested “Shawn is Old” sticker. The other is a rather generic, but still good, Jux Entente piece. For this contest, [...]

Witness the story behind Elliott’s funeral!
This comic requires a ton of explanation. First of all, Elliott Hoffman [yes, the dead guy] was responsible for all of the Shawn Handyside character art in the strip above. I handled the Grim Preacher and Unnamed Blob, as well as all the writing [...]

Kenny chimes in with a surprisingly brilliant feature.
I thought this would be a good idea. I really did, until I got the responses. Now I am just plain scared. Anyways, what I did was draw up these 4 ink blots. I sent them to Zen, CR, and Athena. They were asked to respond with their [...]

Kitty’s back with a new feature!
It was in 9th grade, before I moved. Zen and I were in the same AP english class with Mrs. Rawls. Those were the good old days. I was either goofing off with Zen or sleeping(not with Zen), nearly every day. However one day I was only able to achieve [...]

Ahoy, matey!
Did you think I’d forgotten about Kitty being missing? Of course not! I was testing with the Blob images a few days ago to see if I thought what I wanted to do would be funny, and I think it was…so now, they’re going to search the whole damn world for him. Completely with [...]

Well, not really, but it makes a nice title.
Okay, this is going to sound like a shock to all of you, but I was actually considering joining the army these past few weeks. And I do mean seriously considering. In fact, I almost joined. However, I’ve decided not to join because, well, it just isn’t [...]

Thank you National Geographic Society.
Unnamed Blob, having a small fortune of his own, often does any Jux-related travel for us.
Not that it always agrees with him.
That’s a new Boeing 898 in the air there, and you can see the H.M.S. Victoria patrolling [...]

Featured Guest Writer(s): Voltaire
Yes, that Candide.
(For an explanation of why the hell an entire novel by Voltaire was posted as a feature, check the news archive for this day. Also, if you check the subtext, you’ll see that I don’t think this is the best translation. For that, I would suggest reading one by Robert [...]

When Elliott fails to do his duty, Graeme steps in. Naturally.

Consider this the final Picasso comic you never recieved in Picasso week.
Picasso is back! Yeah! Tomorrow you get a written feature. I think Hobart is, and I quote, “much more better”, than Bobert, don’t you?

Featured Guest Writer(s): Athena Falconess, Kitty Vertigo
Athena Falconess and Kitty Vertigo tag team for an unexpected feature!
AthenaFalconess (11:46:05 PM): brb AthenaFalconess (11:52:09 PM): i’m back Kitty Vertigo (11:52:13 PM): hi AthenaFalconess (11:52:28 PM): with salmon Kitty Vertigo (11:52:35 PM): eewww AthenaFalconess (11:52:47 PM): [...]

Part Greek tragedy, part Elizabethan drama, part Anglo-Saxon epic!
Uripidiis: I say, is that a maroon polywumpet? Aethelgryth: Verily, von polywumpet red violet tango. Uripidiis: Perhaps I shall taste or dance with it? Aethelgryth: Mayhap, with tapping comes tongue lashing danger unit. Uripidiis: I want a mill! Aethelgryth: For which to [...]

Please baby, don’t go!
Man, has this week been shit. So I’m doing this feature just to rant about it. I realize that Jux has had some updating problems lately, and more than likely you’ve seen me talk about it in the news section of the site. I don’t plan to retread too much. [...]

Featured Guest Writer(s): Grammar Nazi
CR may be sick as hell and trapped in responsibility hell, but other people still love you!
I have gone to the Iowa State Fair every summer since before I can remember. I go multiple times every year and I can’t remember ever missing one, although I suppose it’s possible that I [...]

Be wary of things I write during economics.
A fluffy little rabbit was driving his fluffy little Volkswagen down Fluffy Lane in Harsh Reality Town. The fluffy rabbit, whose name was Jimmy McFluff, saw a stop sign ahead sign. Surely enough, soon after there was the stop sign. The bunny thought it was silly to have [...]

This is how funny I am when I’m stressed. Not very impressive or long, is it?
Teller: So, they say you want a revolution? Customer: Well, yes. Teller: I see. What sort of revolution were you interested in? Customer: I was thinking of something in a radical, violent overthrow. Teller: Hmm…well, I’m [...]

I sleep now.

Don’t worry, there will be an explanation later.
I was getting sick of this “Let’s go find Kenny!” storyline. This wraps things up nicely. Also, it replaces the now-dead Bobert!

Yep, the old Picasso naming scheme is really, really dead.
I suppose you can consider this feature a day late, due to the whole September 11th thing. Still, Picasso week continues. Tomorrow we’ll see what’s happening with poor Kitty Vertigo!

This is what replaced our index page on the one year anniversary.
Click here to see what we replaced our index with.

Mrs. Blanchard attacks!
To quote Elliott Hoffman: Best. Picasso Ever. Judge for yourself!

Picasso week begins!
Yes, I’ve moved away from the old school Picasso feature naming. I’m also not doing a “Previous Picasso Features” box until the end of Picasso week, because that would just be unwieldy. Anyway, here’s the first of the week’s Picasso comics!

Someone set us up the Picasso!

Does this really need an explanation? I mean, really? I should start doing the new comics this way!

Nintendo’s new console will surprise and delight you all!
It’s been a problem for years. Parents want to introduce their children to gaming, but are unsure when to do so. Young children can’t handle the full sized controllers, and can’t react fast enough to get truly good at any of the classic games we know and [...]

Ah, school, I love you so.

You can probably tell a lot about a person by how they normally treat telemarketers. Do they listen until they can politely end the conversation? Do they hang up at the first sign of advertisement? Is playing mean yet fun games their forte? I’m not sure what you can [...]

No I’m not. Go away.
You thought this was a feature, didn’t you?
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Oh yeah, kitties can dance!
I don’t really spend much time in the arcades. Therefore whenever I see people at the big machine with the colored pads on the floor, it looks like a torture device. However, recently, one of my friends bought the PSO version of the game. Also, he has 2 of those [...]

In which Picasso’s plot is twisted, and nothing is as it seems!
Picasso is back! Lately it seems I’ve been following a pattern of creating one big comic rather than two or three smaller ones. I’m not sure if this is good or bad. Oh well, enjoy the plot twist.

Previous [...]

Always good to open a month with a guest author, right?
Hmm…This may only seem funny to me b/c I was actually there, but, hopefully, you’ll find it funny too.Now, let me explain a few things first. Sheldon (and that is his real name, I just figured the likelihood of him stumbling on this site are [...]

It’s been more than a month since our resident advisors answered your questions, hasn’t it?

j0, Why has it been so long since there’s been a Surly Guy and Jesus update? -Hoooooah

It seems that someone has developed a bit of a drinking problem. [...]

A tiny portion of some of my “real” writing.

Zero

Nocturne
Rien opened his eyes and saw the black. It was a black of endless depth; a total absence of all light, color, and life. The darkness covered him. It wasn’t right. There should be a dozen [...]

…you’re not naked.

You really like blue.
You honestly find us funny.
You’ve not found the Brunching Shuttlecocks yet.
You know what the name means.
Stick figures and profanity entertain you to no end.
This is the only place you can where Jesus is an employee.
Coincidentally, you also like sacrilegious humour.
A lot.
You [...]

Sometimes, being a history major/buff is very painful.
Ah, the first day of classes. Time to see the new people, meet the new professors, and pray for the best. I’m always on watch for my new hated class for the semester, because I always seem to end up with at least one prof that is either [...]

Start guessing who’s in the last panel.
Here it is. Finally. Enjoy. Love.

Previous Picasso Features Graeme Still Can’t Draw : May 16, 2002 Dead Jux Day : May 18, 2002 Are You There God? Graeme Still Can’t Draw : May 23, 2002 [...]

This is one of my better last minute desperation efforts at getting a feature up.
Ever been running a humour website and suddenly realize that in the middle of all your preperations to go back to college for the fall, you forgot to write a feature? Yeah, I thought so. Going into a panic and realizing [...]

Another serious interlude.
Yeah, we had some good times. We spent nearly every day of this summer together. We did some crazy stuff and had some wild times. I’ll never forget the things we did. I’ll never forget the things we said. I know we will still talk. I know we will still hang out. But [...]

Not enough corporate logos feature profanity.

Here at Rebirth Enterprises, we specialize in generating exact duplicates of creatures of creatures that the Earth discarded years ago! As we like to say, we may not be God, but we sure as hell play him. Beginning with the basic Mammoth, our catalog of animals [...]

Probably the first in a series. There are just so many!

No matter how good your best summon is, the enemy always has a better one. (See: Sin, Griever, the freakin Goddesses…)
Your characters are not obligated to give a damn about a fight occurring four feet away unless they are directly involved. [...]

I simply could not think of another title that wasn’t too long.
What goes through your mind when someone buys 399 old National Geographics from your place of business? This actually happened to me Sunday. I’m not going to post my actual thoughts, because those are quite boring, but here’s some funny stuff that I’ll pretend [...]

Also known as the making of the last day’s feature.
I never do storyboards or test drawings or anything like that normally. I just open Photoshop and go to work. But, for the lovable children’s story I posted yesterday, it was different. I got the idea while I was at work, and so I wrote the [...]

It’s soooooo cute you have to see it.

Editor’s Note: Originally this feature was done using a javascript to flip the images like pages in a book. We’ve changed page formats twice since then, and information “outside the frame” of the feature is no longer allowed, including that custom javascript. This feature has been recreated in [...]

Agenteus awaits.
In life, it’s important to figure out what you want. What are you looking for? Why do you bother to live at all? Once you’ve found that, you’re set. Don’t let your brain convince you to turn astray. Don’t flee from difficulty. Things always work out in the end, either here or in whatever [...]

Tree and bears and…uh…falling!
We went camping. It was fun. The end.
Seriously though, if you want to get the most out of this, let me introduce you to my companions, in alphabetical(ABC) order.
Ty Evans: He is a cool guy, and very wacky. Mark Furler: He is tall and loves this sort [...]

I think this is the best thing Zen has done so far.
Here is my third official comic, inspired by other, earlier happenings on Jux. I have contracted Ding from his comic to work in my strip, perhaps I will bring him on full time. He needs something to pay off that debt. Oh, and [...]

Lazy or not, I really like this comic…

Another shameless rip off of Mark Burnett’s idea.
Six contestants. One island. One rich bastard willing to send them to said island for his own entertainment to watch them compete for money. In this case, a donation to the web comic they represent. Yeah, you know the rules of Survivor by now. Unnamed Blob is going [...]

I really, really hope no parents read this site.

So this one time, a bunch of guys and I get together to go camping. Big Earl, he was the leader of the bunch, because he was older and bigger. We loaded a bunch of equipment and a few jugs of apple moonshine into the [...]

How dare you call me lazy?
Welcome to my second link farm! There are some new rules for this one. If you were in the first link farm , you must show significant improvement for you to be listed again. Yet, there will be plenty of new links, as you shall see. Stuff I forgot the [...]

Eventually we’ll write down our entire lives on these pages. Well, maybe not.
Yup. This is going to be one of those “Wow, those were the good old days” things. What I am remembering is none other than lunch during 9th grade. I still lived in Georgia, and went to the same high school as CR [...]

The point is to maim so that they have to use their resources to move the wounded.

So here it is, my second collage to date (counting the first one I made for “Signal To Noise”). My intention with this work was to communicate visually who I am and what things in my life have [...]

Yet another public service announcement from the Jux Entente.
It has come to my attention that over the course of the development of our modern culture, certain inventions have come along that have revolutionized the way we live. The Television. The Internet. Dozens other things that spring immediately to your mind whenever someone mentions the world [...]

The continuing saga of blobs that drink and Zen’s logistic skills.
With Mario week behind us, it’s time to get back into the swing of things. Which is sort of scary. But it had to be done. I think. I don’t know, it’s early. Just read the damn comics. Oh, and I did that whole multi-ending [...]

One of the true coming of age stories.
My sister brought me to a friend’s house. That was the first time I saw him. I was young, and he was 8-bit. He was tall, at least when he got the super mushroom. And those balls… such powerful fireballs. There was just something about him that made [...]

Mario gets judged on his various roles.
Wow, it’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these grading features, hasn’t it? Well, here we go again. I’m grading Mario’s various aspects, from all of the Super Mario games except Sunshine, since I’ve not actually played it yet. Note that I am not rating how good the [...]

Featured Guest Writer(s): Grammar Nazi
New guest author; very strange opinion.
Hi there. Elliott Hoffman here, of Spelling the Vacuum sub-fame, whoring out my talents to provide the Jux Entente with a feature for Mario Week. As you can see from the title image, I hold the (apparently) controversial view that Yoshi’s Island [...]

Come on, you knew we were going to drag this argument out of retirement.
Before I even begin I should tell you, I love both these characters fairly equally, but, of course, for different reasons. I’m also at a slight disadvantage on the Sonic side because I always seemed to have to choose between a Sega [...]

Just a quick gab with an Italian plumber.
CR: I would like to extend a greeting to all of our readers before we begin. I hope you’re enjoying Super Mario Week here at Jux. Today we have something very special, and interview with the man himself! Shall me begin, Mr. Mario? Mario: I’m ready [...]

A brief history lesson, and a look at the future.

Game: Super Mario Bros. Reaction : Not even my photographic memory was turned on when I had just turned two. Are you nuts? Two! My most recent memory of it is putting it in my NES and having it work [...]

The continuing sacreligious saga of a young God and his dreams of conquest.
And so it came to be that one day as Bobby was gazing over his new empire he grew restless. His holy martyrs had conquered the high school. His dervishes kept the slave populations of both schools tightly under his grip, and [...]

Yes, indeed.
Another Picasso feature, and also another one so long, it requires a thumbnail. This will be my last one for awhile, because my work schedule is actually letting up enough for me to do longer features again. Enjoy!

Previous Picasso Features Graeme Still Can’t Draw [...]

How long will it take you to pass?

Lookie, I switched up the running gag a little. Just a little. Not much. I wouldn’t do that. I’m too nice. Really. Far, far too nice. Yep.
Wow, this work schedule has really killed me. Well, I’ve whined enough on the main page about that. Let’s just move on to my new Picasso feature so I [...]

Work with Jesus, Super Mario Sunshine, felonies and more…
We would like to extend a hearty welcome to Surly Guy and Jesus, who just moved into the Jux main offices, as you can tell by the latest Picasso update . But, they’re here to answer your questions once again. This time from multiple people. At least [...]

I’m not sure if it’s political commentary, but it sure is scathing.
A man was arrested late Wednesday in California after he was accused of burning a liberal Democrat on a barbecue grill for the amusement of others. A woman present described the scene as “horrible.” Mrs. Fairfax, who lived in the [...]

As told by members of online forums.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to “Great Moments In American History.”
As told by members of online forums: The Declaration “dude ur so gay we dun wanna b brtsh ne more.”
The Address “Haha, we 0wnz0red your southern asses!”
The Infamous [...]

I don’t see how anyone who works in retail handles it.
Any of you who have read the Members page know that I’m a librarian. This is really the perfect job for me, and it works out well most of the time. However, just like any job where you have to deal with that wonderful [...]

Nope, he can’t. Just look at the fork.
Welcome to yet another Picasso feature. The first comic is very special, because it finally shows Mrs. Blanchard’s, well, ability to be a bitch.

There was one problem with the strip though. I couldn’t figure out what Picasso would say in the last cell. [...]

Hey, you can’t prove that it’s not true.
Step One: Getting Power The first step to learning how television works is getting power to the unit. If you look behind the television set ( not the shiny glass side), you will see a long cord that ends in two “prongs.” Now then, find [...]

Once I kick this Warcraft III addiction I’ll start doing features that require effort again.
Never, ever let me near a sound editing program. I’m not saying I’m good with them, oh no. But, I will sit there and play with filters and options until I can make something funny happen. I’ve created demoic versions of [...]

Welcome to the Picasso cast list, filled with happy balloons!
I never meant to do web comics. I’ve always enjoyed reading them, and I’m a patron of quite a few, but it was never my intention to use the Jux page for posting my own graphical works. Mostly because I have no artistic ability, not a [...]

Once again a soft drink manufacturer makes a terrible mistake.
When I had heard that my favorite beverage was producing a new taste, I was ecstatic. I’ve been a Dr Pepper addict for as long as I can remember, except for a short period in which CR had converted me to Coke. Anyways, Dr Pepper is [...]

Jesus and Surly Guy are back to answer yet more questions, from…people.
Surly Guy and Jesus have returned for another rousing week of questions, answers, and anything else that those circumstances entail. Want to send a question? March your pretty little feet over to the Members page and drop Crossed Reality a line.
Dear [...]

Can we worry about the fact that my titles for these Picasso strips just keep getting longer, and longer…
Since the last Picasso update was rather sparse, and long in coming, here’s another one following on its heels! One of the comics in this patch is also another Spelling the Vacuum fan comic, because Elliott [...]

A feature for anyone who has ever stared at a package tracking page.
July 2, 2002 4:54pm Today I was born! I’m not sure what I am, really. I know that I’m in a big box filled with comfy styrofoam peanuts. My itinerary says I get to come out of this womb sometime [...]

Can you believe how long it’s been since we’ve done a Picasso feature?
Well, it’s been awhile since Picasso has graced these pages, hasn’t it? In this update, you have two new Picasso strips, and I’ve also included the D+pad colorform I did. I hope you enjoy. I’m off to enjoy my nation’s independence.
[...]

100% spoiler free!
What a great movie. It was full of many modern themes. For example, the movie starts off on this planet, with a bunch of little cute aliens. They are all green. However, this one alien, Stitch, is blue. The mean green aliens are racist and call him blue niggah. So Stitch leaves to [...]

Surly Guy and Jesus are here to help you with all of life’s problems.
Welcome to the inaugural edition of The Jux Entente’s new advice column, Questions and Answers with Surly Guy and Jesus! In this column we will seek to help you with all of life’s problems, whatever you can think of! Enjoy your reading, [...]

Just in case you can’t figure it out on your own.
Step One: Preparation This is the most varied step of the Food process, because different foods require different preparations. While almost all modern dishes require some sort of heat application to be considered finished, some natural foods are not so picky, such [...]

When you’re a bot, life can be rough: always being picked on for being “yesterday’s model”…trying to keep all that chrome shiny and new in spite of inclement weather…yes, even an autonomous entity can suffer from “downtime”–but no longer!
With my patented method, depressed mechanical citizens worldwide will be able to cast off their burdens and [...]

Our first feature with video!
This brief film is from my impressionist period of about fifteen minutes ago. It may seem to be a halfhearted attempt to get around doing a real feature today because I just got Eternal Darkness, but I assure you that this not the case. Rather, it is a look into my [...]

Dare you enter, and discover the winner of our contest?
Bob the Builder: And so it will end today. At long last, this contest will declare its winner. Unnamed Blob: Indeed it will Bob! Interest has reached a fever pitch not only over who [...]

It’s the semi-finals of the Contest of Champions!
Unnamed Blob: Good morning everyone! Things are about to get interesting in the Contest of Champions, on this, the day of the semi-finals. Many of the more astute of you have figured out that Graeme’s favourites have been winning all the matches. If [...]

Day two arrives, in all of its glory.
Unnamed Blob: All right sports fans, we’re back! It’s unfortunate that we were rained out yesterday, but you really can’t control the weather. We’ve got quite an exciting day planned for you, don’t we Bob the Builder? Bob the [...]

Another chapter in the life story of our most active guest author.
I have never done anything this cruel in my life. In fact, I’ve never willfully hurt anyone before, especially someone I used to care about a great deal. This whole situation caused me to realize that I had a cruel streak before unnoticed. [...]

The first of a series of features covering our Contest of Champions!
Bob the Builder: Welcome to the Contest of Champions! I’ll be one of your two hosts! Contrary to my unpopular children’s show, I actually suck ass at building things and get drunk on weekends. My girlfriend is a prostitute and [...]

Featured Guest Writer(s): Crossed Reality, Kitty Vertigo, ZenZagg
Hoy. That’s it. Hoy.
*** ZenZagg has been invited to the group chat. *** Kitty Vertigo has been invited to the group chat. *** Kitty Vertigo has joined the chat. Kitty Vertigo: meow? CrossedReality: meow CrossedReality: Zen should be here in a moment [...]

Hey, at least the games I keep around aren’t as scary as the CDs were.
When it comes to videogames, I am a gourmet. I’m also hardcore. I play everything I can get my hands on, and that’s a lot of games. I only buy a small percentage of these, usually the best. Sadly, my system [...]

Zen decides to create a comic of his own, perhaps even stranger than Picasso.
I was messing around in photoshop when I suddenly got the inspiration to write a strip feature that didnt use dialogue. This is what I came up with. It’s ok if you dont understand what’s going on, but the gist of [...]

Featured Guest Writer(s): Seraphim Vampire
New guest author, new guest feature, fun all around!
There was a scene in fight club that suddenly came to my mind. The scene was absolutely genius and I would love to do it to someone in real life. The scene was disturbing but so good. Tyler Durden dragged the convenience store [...]

Purple is a very powerful color indeed.

Purple is pretty. It is a powerful color. It is like the red of blood, but more subtle. It is cool to the touch. It is the color of royalty. By displaying it you give the message that you are better than everyone else. By [...]

Yep, Picasso is back again.
Yep, I got bored and felt like messing around in Photoshop, and so, Picasso arrives again. Just so you don’t think that my use of a thumbnail image the last time was the start of a trend, none of these three new comics have one! Hah! Also, since I’m starting to [...]

It’s eerily silent…to the MAX!!

Crossed Reality talks about his Resident Evil fetish for a bit; he still manages to work Jesus into it.
I have quite a history with Resident Evil. I’m thinking about this as I finally managed to get my hands on the recent GameCube remake, three weeks after I was supposed to get it. I’ve always been [...]

Athena Falconess is back, attacking poor, defenseless television.
This rant has been done many times before, but it’s a valid point and apparently it bears repeating. Why do we have specialized months for everything? Seriously, I was about to see the movie Insomnia when this ad pops up stating that May is Teen Pregnancy awareness [...]

Picasso is back again, this time with the entire Jux crew in a battle to the death against the Cattle!
Here it is, right on time if you consider that I seem to be doing a semi-weekly schedule. This time, your Picasso update contains only two comics. The first is the fan comic I did for [...]

It’s more than meets the eye! But, sadly, not a robot in disguise.
MeOW mEow Meow MEoW. Look! It’s Baxter! MEOW MEOW meow meow. MeoW MEOW MEOW MEOW. MeOW meow MEOw MEOw meOw. MEOW meow MEOW. Baxter is your messiah MEOW meow meow MEOW [...]

Another not-happy feature from CR.

The Black Prince
I’m a fool. I’ve always know this, deep inside. You see, I can understand the cause and effect of any event in human history, I can create my own systems of mathematics, I can manipulate languages well. I can even cure the [...]

And on this farm he had a CNN…
Well, since we don’t advertise here at Jux, and we don’t put a ton of link buttons on our main page, you might start to think that we don’t go anywhere but our own site! This is horribly wrong, you awful, awful man. Rather, it is to preserve [...]

Sweet, sappy, I love it!
I see your eyes Adoring me So I wonder, Do my eyes reflect?
Are my eyes Sending out The same feelings I can feel in yours?
Or is it just headlights reflecting in an empty window I so wish [...]

I don’t think features can get much more offensive than this. Of course, it’s also hilarious. Choices.
One day in class Bobby’s teacher began to read to him about a great man, a holy man, a most wonderful man. But Bobby didn’t care about Franklin Delano Roosevelt, because Bobby was reading something else under his [...]

Delayed by computer problems, the account of the race arrives on the Jux Entente.
I only got 1 hour of sleep last night. Today was the day of the Race. “Run the Rock” it is called. What a clever pun that is. I woke at 7:04 and showered. Around 7:30 the limo pulled up so [...]

ZenZagg comes clean with the story of his life. It’s not all wine and roses, so beware the price of entry.
This is me not caring for what you think after you read this. I am not going to do any fancy introductory paragraph or stunning visual title graphic. This is me. I’m not always [...]

Picasso rides his faithful internet steed back into the picture.
Picasso returns! By the way, my offer made in the second comic stands.

Athena Falconess returns, with an explanation of why she was gone.
Well, as you might have noticed I haven’t been sending stuff to the site lately. That’s because I’ve had writer’s block. Now this is a new experience for me because I’ve never had it before. I’ve had times where I just don’t feel like [...]

The vacation break ends with a most unpleasant feature.
I’m manic depressive. You get used to it after awhile. You start treating everything like a land mine, because concievably you could be on top of the world until you hear a word wrong and plummet into the depths of human madness. Or there could be no [...]

All the geckos, squirrels, evil cattle and world conquest you can stomach! Plus the nuking of France.
I was sitting around thinking about what it would be like to take over the world. I do that a lot. While doing so the traditional way, with strategic military planning and a bit of luck, would be disturbingly [...]

Anyone up for a game of Wall Twister?
When I am not out partying, I am in my room. A person’s room gives away a lot about their personality, so I figure it would be fun to describe my wall decorations to you.

Let us begin at the beginning. On my [...]

Picasso returns with more of his unique antics.
Here you go folks! More Picasso comics! One of them introduces another of my doodle characters from 6th grade, one is a direct sequel to one from my last Picasso update. Enjoy them!

Just a bit of non-fiction about the Entente’s experiences long ago…
I was sitting around, wondering if I should do another Picasso comic next, or write a written feature, when it came to me. The Jux Entente could really benefit from having some of the stories told from the time before it was born. The soup [...]

Kitty Vertigo comes clean on his Natalie Portman obsession.
Yeah, I just saw Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. I loved it. All of it. Annie kicked total ass and is my new hero. Natalie is my true love. I don’t really feel like prosing, so here is some listing of why they kick so much [...]

ZenZagg explains his obsession with Techno Toys, and their ilk.

My girlfriend, Sara, always says “The bigger the boys, the bigger the toys.” Though she teases me, she’s right. Ever since I was a wee lad, I’ve been obsessed with toys–not G.I. Joes, Army Men, Legos (they’re still cool though), or Power [...]

Whoah, did he just admit that he doesn’t know something?
Martial Arts Once upon a time, I was upset about the fact that I was completely unschooled in the ‘arts martial’. This passed pretty quickly with age. Somewhere around 14 I realized that since just about anything in the world can cause severe [...]

Things Crossed Reality said recently. I…don’t know what else to say about it.
You know, I’m not sure what inspired me to write this feature, other than the fact that I hadn’t done it yet. And that’s reason enough to do anything. Below are 40 direct quotes for yours truly, all within the last 48 hours. [...]

The most insulting feature we’ve put up here, ever.
Today is a lovely day. I woke up at 11 pm , the price I pay for staying up for over thirty hours. I don’t know what the hell happened to Kitty, he seems to have disappeared. Zen stayed up all night play Super Smash Bros. with [...]

Yet another amazing sequel, you can tell it’s been a hard few days.
The last time I did this, I rated the various things I wear everyday. Well, that made too much sense for me. So, this time, I decided to just grab five random things from my living quarters and put them through the test. [...]

The breath-taking sequel arrives.
Well, today appears to be a lazy day for everyone here at the Jux Entente. In the spirit of this, I spent a few hours creating a few more of my crappily drawn web-comics for you people instead of putting my wonderful prose skills to use! I could explain just what depths [...]

Want to know what it’s really like to leave cigarettes behind? Athena Falconess will fill you in.
I finally managed to quit smoking. It took me awhile, but I did it. Now, for those of you even thinking of picking up the habit, let me explain something to you. I seriously thought it would be easy [...]

Finally, one that doesn’t suck!
Sports suck. And it’s not because they require physical prowess or because I’m not good at them, although I suck at most, but rather because they’re boring. Most of them didn’t start out this way. The origin of all the major modern sports in undoubtedly with a bunch of bored people [...]

He’s the one that can draw, you know.
Well i finally got my scanner working. This is the result. I’d like to think of it as a bit of foreshadowing of real-life experiences. I can only hope.

Yes, she exists, and she’s probably not who you would expect.
I’m obsessed with love. I’m girl crazy, but in a very strange way. I’m not sexual at all. I don’t want sex. I want commitment. I want someone to call and lavish attention upon, someone to waste my money on and to sit next to [...]

Crossed Reality converts the members of the Jux Entente into fighters in the classic, spastic game.
Super Smash Bros. Melee is the greatest fighting game ever created. So many characters, so much mayhem, Pikachu calling down lightning bolts upon Mario’s head…it’s great! In that spirit, I’ve decided to envision a world where all of the Jux [...]

A poem from Kitty Vertigo, complete with a bit of hand drawn artwork.

The Green of Blood I hate you all, It tastes so good, Get the fuck away from me!
Can’t you see? What your doing to me? It hurts [...]

Do you want to know the kind of stuff that CR keeps in his music collection? Probably not.
I’m a packrat. I can’t stand to get rid of anything. You see, once I obtain anything, I start to develope an emotional attachment to it. I displace a huge amount of the love I have to give [...]

What’s this? Another attempt at a web comic? Check it out for cabbage-throwing action.
In the commentary of my last feature, Graeme said I smelled; “just like cabbage”. Well, this comic is what I think of his little quip. (NOTE: I actually smell like Old Spice Original :P)

In the course of human [...]

Featured Guest Writer(s): Ravishing Ruiner
A new guest author contributes a feature on how much she loves Kitty Vertigo, at the expense of Crossed Reality.
When I first read Crossed Reality’s comment on Kitty Vertigo’s “The Truth” article, I went with it. The only exposure I had ever had to the features of Kitty were in the [...]

Kitty Vertigo’s room cleaning chronicles. He’s the only person on the planet that could make this subject interesting.

I decided to clean my room. For most this would be a trivial task. However, since I am a closet perfectionist, it evolved into a night-long task. These are just some of the stories that have [...]

ZenZagg explores the growing propagation of garbage on the Internet in his first feature.

I am sitting here, using Google as my magnifying glass—searching for breadcrumbs. It is getting late. I am not searching for MP3s, commercialized news, java games, or even recipes for Aunt Maybelle’s Bavarian cream raisin bran toffee. I [...]

Crossed Reality gets serious for a moment to examine in close detail the issues that are confronting the freedom of expression in videogames today.

Since their creation, videogames have come under assault from all directions. This is not a problem that only this medium of artistic expression has faced, at some point in time [...]

It’s true, I can’t. If you need proof, just check out this comic I drew, which is a thinly [as in, not at all] veiled attempt to get someone to link to the site…

So, yes, it is an utterly shameless ploy at getting more traffic. But it is a lovingly [...]

Once again, Kitty Vertigo describes the world in which we live as only he can. Ever wanted to know what’s really in Dr Pepper?
It happened again. My last can of Dr Pepper, slowly emptying itself into the depths of my systems. The precious Carbonated Water , oh so bubbley and tingley. This is [...]

Our first serious article, written by a guest author. Well worth a read.
Okay, before I start, let me explain something. Although I’ve tried to make it funny from time to time this is basically a rant. I’m writing this to make myself feel better. If someone else finds this interesting, then that’s great. If [...]

Kitty Vertigo makes fun of your friendly web master’s attempt at making fun of…something.

This is a parody of Crossed Reality’s pocket guide. However, unlike his guide, mine will be listed in order of importance.

My PDA Its an HP Jornada 520 with a purple case covering. [...]

It says it all. I go through and rate everything I carry about with me. Damn, it’s funny. Seriously. Please read it?
The SODWIC This is my newest addition to my lovely body. For those of you not in the know, SODWIC stands for Star of David with Inset Cross. It’s a lovely [...]

Kitty Vertigo tells it like it is in his life. Did I mention he wins the “most insane” award for this site?
Martians exist. There are actual beings that live on Mars; beings that evolved from Mars. I’m not telling you this to scare you. I’m telling you this because it is integral to my story. [...]

In this highly pointless article, Crossed Reality goes on for a few pages on various web comics, and why he loves them.
I think this story deserves to get the same opening that was enjoyed by our lovely piece on the Undead Revolution . It all began so innocently. I never meant to get [...]

Athena Falconess returns, to explain why more people should be dating her at this very instant. It wouldn’t surprise me if they were after reading the list.

For some reason I can’t seem to get a date. Now I’ll admit that I’m not drop-dead gorgeous, but I am attractive and there shouldn’t be any [...]

Our greatest current achievement. Read about the stunning night where we convinced people to join in our Undead revolution. We made dying cool!

Hatters at home

It all began so innocently. The Hat members had all gotten online, and met at our headquarters in the Castle of Prontera. SaturnKitty [...]