Crossed Reality Compendium Part 1: Crossed Reality
The Crossed Reality Compendium Introduction Part 1: Crossed Reality
This story has never, ever, been edited. As soon as it was completed spell check was run on it and then it was let go. There are spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. I won’t apologize for them, because [...]

The reimagining continues.
The story this time is being offered in a lovely PDF format.
Click here to read the story.

Can you spot the three homages?
Yarr, arr, harr, avast! The story be here! And also down there.
Der Feuervogel

Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
I’m in some restaurant. One of those chains they have in every single outpost of suburbia. Outback, Longhorn, Applebee’s, Chili’s, Ruby Tuesday, Folks, Sizzler, Peddler, Olive Garden, Provino’s, Ryan’s…I’ve been sitting here, a table to myself, for so long now I can’t even remember [...]

Ohhhhh, no you didn’t!

Didn’t you know?
Sometimes the best way to look at things is through the bleary eyes of your own slackening interest in the reality around you. There develops that still crystal fissure in the mind from which you see the golden rays of an impossible sunshine pouring in; don’t you [...]

I know I do.

Left-over comics from last year.

Featured Guest Writer(s): Mopy
Because he can’t resist anything with himself in it.

No slime included.

Just a little munchie.

This is mostly a tribute to home made costumes. They rule small provinces in China. Seriously.

This is an update.
UPDATE!!!!
This is an update. You are being updated.
You cannot resist the update, the update will not be televised. In the event of an update, the exits are clearly marked.
Didn’t you update? Can you spare an update? Listen, updates don’t come along every day, you have to work for it. [...]

The age old Question.

Yeehaw!

[Man Strums Guitar...]
[Alligator Hisses.]
Can you name the storm with one wheel drive, Smells like rain, windspeed of one-sixty-five?
Hurricanyonero! Hurricanyonero!
Well, it goes real slow with the pressure down It’s the country-feared cyclone endorsed by a clown
Hurricanyonero! (YAH!) Hurricanyonero! Hey, hey!
Three hundred miles long, and just as [...]

Let's use the Dictionary, Children!

The Terrarizing Hungar

Flag background made by Jim Emery.

Created this very day for my Fiction Writing class.
Yep, it’s new Graeme fiction, and you can read it here in rich text format!
Click Me!

Picasso. Picasa. Brothers in arms.

Picasso could kick the shit out of Pikachu.

Based on a real dream.
The dream started as a journey to the past. I was at Travis’ wedding again, only this time it was in a large school auditorium. The other groomsmen and I lined up at the back of the left aisle, in preparation for the ceremony. For some reason a little faceless girl [...]

Anti-gravity sex explosion!
Hello. You’ve reached the automated phone service for Jux Entente State University. For Admissions, press 1. For registration, press 2. To speak with a live operator, please hold. You may press 7 at any time to go to the previous menu.
1
To check application status, press 1. For help with [...]

A moment with someone who looks just like me.
We recently had the chance to have a brief interview with Graeme K. Hefner about where is writing has been, and where it’s going.
JE: You finished the third draft of your first novel a year ago, correct? Why the delay in publishing it?
[...]

Read this as if it is written in a british accent.
Any weird interconnected things in your life right now? Here’s a few of mine…
I met Kenny in 7th Grade, he got me into programming during 7th grade AIM class–the programming interest led me to meet Peter Rosconi–who got me the first real copy of [...]

A real Jux feature! No foolin’!
Any true music fan accumulates certain songs over time that are, how shall we say, less than uplifting to his or her reputation. In my triumphant return to doing real features I decided to delve deep into my massive music collection, pulling forth songs that I love, but that any [...]

It’s a his party and he’ll steal if he wants to.

An essay in pictures.
How can you tell when your tiny little WoW guild is reaching proper infamy?

Wait, who is this?

I see.

You have payed the price for your insolence.

A dark threat looms.

Contains one (1) leg-humping.
Team Graeme Abandons Certain Victory. The start of the match involved picking teams. It was decided that this would best be done by classic school yard rules, with Hannah Bobo being the captain of Team Hannah. Hannah had the first pick, and she chose Samantha Boylan. Graeme then chose Scott [...]

Things aren’t as pretty on the inside.

The writing quality just keeps going downhill.
- Scene 1 -
The naked woman on the floor was dead. Very dead. Badgers are eating my flesh because they’re out of hamburger dead.
The CSI guys looked the body over.
“What do you see, Mac?” Aidan said.
“I see a dead Hooker,” Mac replied.
“That’s right, a [...]

You don’t even want to know what happens when they sneeze.

I think this is the ugliest feature I have ever done. MS Paint is the best I have at work–just pretend I got a rabbit to draw it.

A video feature!
Yes, it’s time for another video feature, and also another World of Warcraft feature. Watch in awe as Kenny and I fight off hordes of level 55 death guards and player characters to boot in the Brill inn!
The video!
A warning, this thing is 55 megabytes or so. [...]

A Picasso feature.

Featured Guest Writer(s): Jakk
And the secret of life.
Umm…. Hello…
The name… Is Areius.
Don’t let my elven heritage fool you; I am far more than just a simple everyday tree hugger. I know the problems of this world, and I know what to do. You can trust me. I am the hunter. Just listen….
That [...]

This sort of really happened recently to Kenny.
Francis U. Jones 3rd Period Computer Science (Mr. Brown) April 3, 2005
I see on my syllabus that I am required to turn in as of 3rd period tomorrow a progress report on the project I’ve been working on for the past two months involving my project topic. [...]

Build a house from writer’s blocks.
“Expectation”
Simple Simon says to me: “You are not what you should be.” Simple Simon says to you: “He doesn’t do what he should do!”
Sideways Kate says to you: “Do you see the way I see?” Sideways Kate says to me: “I’ve got things I need to do.”
The [...]

Don’t blame me, I just work here and get fitted for tuxes.

Science!
A great genius once set about pondering, trying to solve all of life’s problems.

Within days he had announced the creation of semi-sentient vegetables that could defend themselves with tiny knives made of cellulose if threatened by animals, and even form rudimentary infantry companies, but considered getting eaten by humans ecstasy. [...]

That title was created by the piece of chicken I’m eating.

Something’s coming over me.

Whoever does the artwork on these shampoo bottles is a scary, scary person.

And nothing else matters.
Doubtless, four of five of you out there in Jux land have wondered at some point why so many writers go bat-fuck insane. I am here to tell you!
In the world of acting, there are two main “schools”. There’s technical acting, where the person creates what I like to call synthetic [...]

ZenZagg cannot resist this! (A photo essay)
The day began as any other did; with Kenny and I doing something really stupid. In this case, visiting the Dark Portal, which is surrounded by level fivehojillion guards of asskicking. We have only level fourhojillion powers. (Graeme is pictured in travel form)
[...]

The world doesn’t need more fish oil.

The true story of an addict.

Breathe with Picasso.

Everyone knows they don’t have anything to do with tides.

Garbage men don’t read novels!
Chapter 1 The town of Salem had a small problem with schoolmarms. When Jimmy Bindle started school, the little village had a school marm named Goody Goodwife. Goody was a good teacher, who loved only good things. Sadly, in his fourth year of school, Salem was shocked when Goody [...]

And how I hate them.
I hate education majors.
Rather, I hate one very specific type of education major, and I have hated them for all of my live-long years in college. I can spot them a mile away. They are universally women, and universally obese. They enter a class, huffing and puffing from climbing that [...]

Part 2 in the “Series.”
That’s a thumbnail up there. You have to click it to view the real thing, because it’s big. Remember those days?

Original creation inside!
After joking that I could create an entire, awesome song in Garage Band using just the included instrument loops, I decided to put my money where my foot is and actually attempt such a thing. So, with the aid of my girlfriend Vivian, I have created the most awesome stock sound song of [...]

Ice cream is a delicious delicacy, not unlike a cookie.
Suppose that the universe is infinite, and that there are an infinite number of universes containing an infinite number of possibilites and tax opportunities. Have you ever considred what this would mean? Have you ever paused to consider what, say, the Jux Entente would be in [...]

*sniffle*
On December 17, 2004, MacSheba left the hands of Graeme Hefner. She was very sick; unable to even boot into MacOS. Her logic board had failed her. It was a trait she was born with, one that she had lived with for over two years before finally, suddenly, succumbing.
Sick, but not dead. Her mother, [...]

This is what I had to do rather than write a feature.
Graeme Hefner Reading Summary #1 Wittgenstein, Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus (1921)
In his Tractatus, Wittgenstein states that the world is the entirety of things, and the world is a totality of facts, not of things. However, there are some confusing statements to go along with this [...]

Your mother is a cow and I don’t like you?
Did you know…

One of the apostles had a siamese conjoined twin sister named Abigaile, who was left out of the bible for sleeping with Mary Magdaline? Contemporary sources insist that John had nothing to do with her himself, however, nor did he even watch the [...]

If you don’t get this joke, you have no soul.

That’s special.
Life as a druid is fun. Every day, I wake up, pick up my stick, and head out into the woods. Only, I live in a big tree, so everything is woods. It’s sort of weird that way.
Today, I did something special. I met an evil person! I was in the special druid [...]

What happens when a feature goes bad?

This.

For the new year.
Tonight, I was eating candy.
Something in my hand felt weird.
I looked down, and there was a multi-hued ooze upon my fingers and palm.
They had melted in my hand, not in my mouth.
I wept for the loss of innocence.