The last time I did this, I rated the various things I wear everyday. Well, that made too much sense for me. So, this time, I decided to just grab five random things from my living quarters and put them through the test. Yeah, it's another lazy feature, but damnit, we're all really tired here at Jux at the moment. And with that, onward!

The New Century Handbook: Second Edition
I hate wasting money. I found this textbook lying about on my recliner, looking important, like it had a reason for being there. How insulting. See, this is a $60 'companion' to help you through your Composition classes in college. Sure, it's just a suggested book, but your professors stare at you as if you just said breathing was optional if you suggest that you don't need it. Personally, I have used this thing twice in the two semesters I've owned it. I was glad for its presence then, of course, but both times I was just looking up MLA format guidelines. I can get those online! The book is a whopping 1,000 pages of high gloss paper, and the MLA section is about 100 of that. They should sell a $6 MLA book an just get it over with. The rest of the thing covers such grade school stuff as Grammar and doing internet research [complete with Netscape 2.0 images, natch]. Or maybe it's Netscape 6 with a 2.0 skin. Wouldn't that be cool? The book also includes a supplementary CD-ROM in a plastic sleeve in the back, still sealed in my volume, that contains, and I quote, "video clips that show ways to best use technology in writing, audio clips that deliver additional explanation from the authors aloud, and extra exercises on grammar, punctuation, and the mechanics of writing." What is this disc's real purpose? If you open the pouch that contains it, the book can't be returned! Marketing genius.
Graeme's Verdict: D

Audi TT Roadster
Naturally, I'm talking about a matchbox car. I love this thing. Not only does it look just like the car that it's supposed to be, I even managed to find one that is in the colour I like the best. Go me! The Audi spends most of its time sitting on top of one of my many speakers, but occasionally he gets to have some fun on the floor on entertainment center. Usually, this is when Gojo (a story for another day) is using the Audi as his personal transportation, but not always. This is one of those perfect room ornaments that looks both cool, and gives off that impish quality of youth. At least, I think so. The only real problem it has are the fact that matchbox "tires" are the same on every vehicle they make, ruining the illusion somewhat, and the damn thing is a pain in the ass to keep dusted. And, you know, it's not real. More's the pity.
Graeme's Verdict: B+

Price Rolls from a High School Vending Machine
Oh, these are awesome. They also have a story behind them. Early in my senior year of high school, they announced at the beginning of the week that while the rest of the classes were taking standardized tests of some sort, PSAT for some and a mock graduation test for others, the seniors would be separated into the Gym and Auditorium area for a 'senior breakfast'. Now, I don't know how old you are, but if you remember high school, the surest way of getting seniors to not come to school is to warn them of a crappy event ahead of time. Zen and I both had to attend this breakfast. I didn't skip because skipping would mean that I wouldn't get to see my girlfriend later that day, which was important to me at the time. Zen went because he had no damned choice. To the surprise of both of us, it turned out to be pretty damned cool. Since 2/3s of the senior class were mysteriously missing, there was quite a surplus of food. The third that showed up were handed control of the auditorium and gym, and given an unlimited supply of chick-fil-a and orange juice. That's just a good damn way to start a day in high school. Somewhere around hour two, Zen, our friend Buddy, and myself, noticed that one of the snack vending machines had been emptied and the glass removed. This thing had been broken for a few, oh, decades, so it wasn't that big of a surprise. To our surprise, we found that the little rolls they use to change the prices on the items were extremely easy to remove. So we took them. All of them. A few we used as weapons, a few we took with us. Since I keep everything, I still have them. Interesting side note, that senior breakfast was also when Travis discovered in a whole new light someone he'd met many times before...that someone is named Sara, and has been his girlfriend since just a few weeks after the event. As for the girlfriend I went to school that day to see, well...*cough*
Graeme's Verdict: B

Library Staff Pin
I never wear this damned thing to work. Not because I hate it, but because I just forget to wear it. Actually, I have two of these, one is white with black text, and one is black with white text. Guess which one I wear on those few times when I do remember? Still, the thing is pretty lame. Since I'm not officially a full time staff member, I don't get one with my name on it, just one that has "Staff" in nice big letters. The centerpiece of the pin is supposed to be an image of a person reading, but it's too creepy an image to be pleasant. The book is perched on a point in the 'hands', and the person's perfectly circular head is hovering above his shoulders. The overall effect is of someone who spent their last moments in desperate prayer before being beheaded.
Graeme's Verdict: C

Bottle of Extra Strength Excedrin
I have chronic migraines.
This bottle contains magical pills which can stop them.
Graeme's Verdict: A+