Things Crossed Reality said recently. I…don’t know what else to say about it.

You know, I’m not sure what inspired me to write this feature, other than the fact that I hadn’t done it yet. And that’s reason enough to do anything. Below are 40 direct quotes for yours truly, all within the last 48 hours. My definition of ‘day’ is pretty long, as you can see, but I had to do it to include some things that I felt were funny, so neaah 😛 At first, I was planning on explaining the circumstances behind each quote, but I felt that that sort of took the fun out of it. So now you just have a random assortment of…stuff. I’ve left the explanation on #9 though, just because it really, really needs it. Enjoy!

1. I will eat any food product, and I do mean anything, that has Natalie Portman on its package.
2. If Christopher Lee can somehow take over the part of Voldemort, he will have all the major villains in movies taken for the next 3 years.
3. Zen, could you stop dying please?
4. Get Pikachu! We can worry about Pichu later.
5. Oh, that was me!
6. My hair is not a nest…
7. …and my SODWIC is a deadly weapon.
8. I didn’t love Jesus when I was a Christian.
9. [In response to ‘Can you print this for me?’] Ug, noh, naht rught naaw inywey. [It’s hard to talk through a pillow]
10. What do you mean you don’t know what a horseradish is?
11. Okay, orange starburst taste vaguely citric, cherry tastes like every other artificial cherry flavour known to man, but what the hell do strawberry starburst taste like?
12. Sheryl Crow and Sublime sometimes sound eerily similar.
13. I’ll tell you how much you owe me when I get home and can do math.
14. Okay, so you owe me $7.25, you have $8 in the bank, and your minimum ATM withdrawal is $10…do you have a paypal account?
15. j0 is the only pronounceable word in the entire idiotic 1337 sp34k cornucopia.
16. How does Wal-Mart find a way to never put price tags on anything you actually want?
17. The appeal of the walkie-talkie all but died to me once I got a cell phone.
18. The sun is risen!
19. This comic would be funny, but I can draw better than this guy.
20. Have you noticed that they never tell you what kind of fish is used in any of these fast food commercials?
21. And another thing, chickens may not contain any part called a ‘nugget’, but at last check, they didn’t have ‘strips’ either.
22. I’d kill my friends, but never eat them.
23. When they said that the best position for eye level was on top of the monitor, I don’t think they meant for people with monitors the size of mine that have a penchant for reclined computer use.
24. Are you that short?
25. Just attack anything that’s cute.
26. That irritating beep means that my car stereo is worth more than your car .
27. Move over Judah.
28. My cat turned 11 yesterday. As long as he keeps bringing me chipmunks, I’m not worried about his old age.
29. Can you believe some people use a screen resolution that size?
30. You know, I’m going to have to go to bed one of these hours.
31. FUCKING SPIRIT TRAILER! YOU DON’T BELONG THERE! THE SPANISH BROUGHT YOU TO THE NEW WORLD! THE SPANISH !
32. I’m amazed at how not angry I am.
33. You’re amazed at how not angry I am, or how not angry you are?
34. I hate ignorant movie trailers. In the real world, not only would the entire premise of the film be stupid, but he wouldn’t have time to scream “Drat!” before we nuked Russia, much less call everyone in the free world like he seems to be doing.
35. Was he down-here Kenny, or up-there Kenny?
36. One day, I hope to own an endless supply of Simpsons episodes.
37. They still sell Windows 98 upgrade discs for $90? Who the hell buys them?
38. The cane is optional.
39. I’ll keep receipts when I start paying taxes.
40. You’d think they would have announced this cancerous relay ahead of time.