The Literary: Hmm, this doesn't sound quite right. I think I'll grab a dictionary and add words that haven't been used for four hundred years. Maybe after tea. Where's that damn parasol?

The Mainstream: I have no idea how to resolve this plot hole. Eh, I'll just leave it.

The Harlequin: Damnit, I'm running out of synonyms for nipples again. Ooooh, haven't used 'love nubs' yet.

The Stephen King*: You know, what this could really use is a twenty page story from a character's life that has no bearing on the plot at all!

The Tolkien**: This is coming out dry. I'll reference minutae from my notes that people will bicker about for decades.

The Nora Roberts: Ig flawsp, mono? Ho ho bear, yuggart!

The Graeme: This sucks. I think I'll add more angst.

The H.P. Lovecraft***: It's page forty...should something happen? Nah, best wait a few more pages.

The English Professor: Dear God I need money. Do you have money?

The Poet: This pamphlet says I need to go live in a cave. Maybe I can be the first sane poet...

* One of my favourite authors.
** Ditto!
*** Ditto!